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An Insane Day/Time In American Politics

March 23, 2017


From an unknown author/poster on Facebook.

So the day started with the whole “Paul Manafort was a paid foreign agent collecting millions of dollars annually to work on Putin’s behalf and by the way he may have embezzled a few mil from an oligarch there at end” story, and he was the Shart’s campaign manager and that is close to as big a story as I have seen in my life, truly. I really don’t think one single moment of the Obama years even approached “President’s campaign was managed by an agent acting on Putin’s behalf,” but correct me if I’m wrong.
We took a quick detour into The Wall Street Freaking Journal Editorial Board, who I assume are such shadowy figures as to be literally talking silhouettes, taking a shockingly large dump right in the middle of the president’s breakfast cereal, calling him out for his serial lying and likening him to, I shit you not, an out-of-control alcoholic.
So we had a little laugh, and then another when a new approval rating poll got published, showing Dorito Mussolini is starting to lose support even among his White Male Mouth Breathing Base, and then settled in for an afternoon of increasingly futile whipping for the Mass Murder of the American Poor Act…excuse me, the AHCA.
The Freedom Caucus threw up their middle fingers, said “We ain’t afraid of no 37% approval rating punk ass bitch, and we ain’t voting for your bill because it doesn’t kill the takers fast enough or hard enough for us, so eat our poo!” which in turn led to a number of centrists coming out with slightly more polite “no thank you” statements, and it looked like the AHCA would die a deserved and oh-so-sweetly-embarrassing death. Oh, and Paul Ryan had a bunch of protesters in wheelchairs arrested, GOOD LOOK, BRO.

And then Devin Pigfucking Nunes stumbled across what really seems to be routine intelligence collection that he misinterpreted as something sinister, and WITHOUT CONTACTING THE DEMOCRATS on the House Intelligence Committee which he chairs, called the press to throw a smoke bomb and scream “maybe SCROTUS was right and Obama DID tell the microwaves in Trump Tower to report back to him and shit,” even though he had to admit that he didn’t have proof and that nothing looked illegal at all and he seems to have talked about FISA warrants which is illegal in no small way and then as if that wasn’t enough he WENT STRAIGHT TO THE WHITE HOUSE TO TELL THE PRESIDENT WHAT THE COMMITTEE INVESTIGATING HIM HAD LEARNED, which is the single most openly corrupt act in the history of congressional oversight, and did we mention that Nunes was on his transition team and is clearly using his position as the head of the investigating panel to protect the subjects of the investigation and that’s insane and he STILL HASN’T SHOWN THE DOCUMENTS HE SAW TO THE DEMOCRATS ON THE PANEL WHAT THE FUCK.

And so now, the Nunes story is so much bigger than the Manafort story that the Manafort story is like a filet mignon slider and the Nunes story is the porterhouse where if you eat it you get your name on a plaque in the steakhouse lobby which is insane because this morning the Manafort story looked like a porterhouse sandwich where instead of bread you have two more porterhouses so seriously what the fuck is going on here? People all over the place are calling for Nunes to step down and of course he needs to but who knows what the rules are anymore?

Meanwhile, in an effort to placate the feces-flinging toddlers in the Freedom Caucus, apparently Paul Ryan is promising changes to AHCA that would almost certainly run afoul of the rules of the reconciliation process and god knows the people in charge have no respect for any rules whatsoever so god knows what happens on that front. And just at that moment the Koch brothers said “Hey muthafuckas, if you wanna vote against that AHCA bill we hate so much, you can have ALL THE MONEY for your reelection in 2018,” which frankly I think some democrats should take them up on.

AND THEN JUST WHEN YOU WERE LOSING YOUR MIND AT HOW BATGUANO NUCKING FUTZ THIS DAY HAS BEEN…you get that little CNN push notification saying the FBI is investigating whether people associated with the Shart campaign ACTIVELY COLLUDED WITH RUSSIAN INTELLIGENCE AGENTS and that they’ve got evidence that leads them to think “Yuh huh it looks like they did,” which is what New Liberal Superbadazz Adam Schiff kind of alluded to earlier in the day and that is the BALLGAME if they end up with the goods. THE BALLGAME. And meanwhile in the background the guy the FBI is looking at for being installed by Russian intelligence has appointed a Justice to the Supreme Goddamn Court of the United Goddamn States and that doesn’t seem right, does it?

And even John McCain is like “Fuck it, we clearly can’t be trusted to handle this shit in congress, fucking call Batman or something I am too old for this shit.”

And that, my friends, is why this is the most insane day in American politics that I have ever witnessed. Holy shit y’all.




Have a good day.





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